Surviving Cancer

Hey, you...(yeah, you!)

Don't ever let anyone tell you that you're not truly a "survivor" just because uterine cancer is a highly curable cancer.  You are indeed a survivor, from the moment the doctor tells you those three horrible words:  "you have cancer".  Cancer is cancer, regardless of how early it's caught.  And don't let anyone tell you, "it's no big deal, it's just a hysterectomy".  It IS a big deal, especially if you've never had children (like me).  The uterus is a major organ, I don't care what anyone says.  And screw those that say other cancers are worse, and they deserve more sympathy.  Last I checked, this isn't a competition.  We are all in this fight together, regardless of how we got here.  We gotta stick together and make sure cancer--all of them!--is gone forever.

*kathy*

What Could Have Been

Sometimes, every once in a while, you find yourself wondering about someone from your not-so-distant past, even though you try your most absolute best not to.  Occasionally, you start to think about what could have happened between the two of you, if only you had spoken and expressed how you truly felt!!  Yup, that's me.  I'm naturally shy, and I have trouble expressing interest in somebody.  I suppose it comes from my horrible self-esteem.  I have had a problem with it for years, and of course, getting diagnosed with a type of cancer that prevents me from ever having children has not helped at all.  I do realize I have to work on building up that self-esteem, especially if I want to end up with someone.  But it's hard, especially if you're not used to attention.

*kathy*

A Small Battle, but a Battle Nonetheless

I posted a status on my Facebook page recently, regarding my personal battle about living with cancer.  Some well-meaning but misguided soul made some sort of comment about me making too much of a big deal about beating cancer and that there were women who went through a lot more than I did.  I do agree with that, but to say that I'm making too much of a big deal is extremely insensitive, to say the least.  Tomorrow marks exactly 7 months since my hysterectomy, and the fact that all of the cancer was removed.  Perhaps I am making too much of a big deal.  But on top of having to deal with a cancer diagnosis, I have to deal with the pain of never being able to experience the joys of giving birth to a child.  I grieve every single day for the children that I will never, ever have.  And for someone to make light of what I have to endure just because I didn't have to go through chemotherapy or radiation is truly uncalled for.  But I'm not going to let that bother me.  I'm just gonna concentrate on getting better, one day at a time.

*kathy*

Living with Cancer

When I first got diagnosed with cancer, I honestly had no idea that it would become such a huge part of my life.  Hah, should've known better.  It's always gonna be a part of me, whether I admit it or not.  There are some days that I'm pretty much sailing along, living life, and being happy.  Then invariably, cancer will creep into my head and remind me that it's still there.  Yeah, I know, the cancer is gone now, thankfully, but it's always in the back of your mind, and you wonder whether or not it'll come back.  It's the price you pay, I suppose.  It'll never be quite the same.  You just gotta learn to live with it.  :-)

*kathy*

Rambling Thoughts (not necessarily of cancer)

1.)  There's a guy I find myself that I'm truly starting to care about.  It's too bad he's with someone else right now.  (But if it's truly meant to be...)

2.)  "Full House" and "Family Matters" were my favorite shows growing up.

3.)  I am severely claustrophobic.  Severely.  Being trapped in an elevator for an hour does that to you.

4.)  Cancer has robbed me of the chance of being a mother.  Oh, how I would love to have a child of my own!!

5.)  I miss eating salads and veggies.  But my post-hysterectomy body won't let me.  Meh.

6.)  I really wanna go see the movie "42".  I did a research paper on Jackie Robinson when I was a junior in high school, and ever since then, I've always been fascinated by his life, on and off the baseball diamond.

6.)  More attention needs to be given to uterine cancer.  Too many women are getting diagnosed with it, and not enough people know the symptoms.  If symptoms are recognized, maybe this disease can be better managed.

7.)  I have lots of love to give to someone special.  Maybe one day.  :-)

8.)  Good things come to those who wait.

*kathy*

Milestone Birthdays

I had a thought today (and no, it didn't hurt)...I was thinking that I should really go all out when celebrating my next birthday.  I'll be 33 years old this coming August.  I know, most people don't consider the age of 33 to be a milestone birthday, like they would for their 30th, 35th, or 40th birthdays.  But I personally believe this is a major milestone to me.  Why?  Well, it's going to be the very first birthday I'll be celebrating since being diagnosed with cancer two weeks after my last birthday, and the first birthday since being declared cancer-free.  It's most definitely something to celebrate, I think!!  :-)  how could I not acknowledge something like that, right?  I should definitely have some sort of party, with a DJ and some food, and stuff like that...kinda like what my friend Jose had for his mom a couple of weeks back.  Maybe I can enlist the help of others, seeing that I don't really have that much money (cancer is expensive!).  And if a party is not possible, then maybe a birthday cake with a peach ribbon design on it or something.  That would be cool.  :-)  I just want to do a little something with my family and friends.  Since my diagnosis, I have learned to appreciate the small things, like birthdays.  :-)

*kathy*

When a T-shirt Means So Much

The other day I received a call from my dear friend Susan called me and told me that she had my t-shirt for the Relay.  Naturally, I was excited, so I went to go pick it up.  Since I am now considered a survivor (!!!), my shirt was purple.  On the front was the official logo design for the 2013 Relay, saying (as it does every year) "Celebrate Remember Fight Back".  I thought it was pretty cool.  And then I turned the shirt around to see the back, and in big white letters, was the word "SURVIVOR".  I can't even begin to say what seeing this image meant to me.  I began crying again, as I am prone to do from time to time.  I suppose I was overwhelmed with emotions from thinking of what I had gone through.  I know, compared to others, I haven't really gone through all that much.  But this journey is very real, and quite scary, to me.  It's something that I hoped I would never have had to go through, but alas, here I am.  A survivor, like the shirt says.  This is an item I will treasure always.

*kathy*

One More Day

Only one more day until our local Relay for Life event.  Can't wait until tomorrow...looking forward to using this opportunity to raise at least a little awareness for uterine cancer.  It may not be much, but I'm gonna do what I can.  :-)

*kathy*

Weather Change

Apparently Mother Nature doesn't know that the calendar reads April, not January.  :-/  it's cold, wet, dreary, and windy!  My right hip hates it.  Oy, another casualty of the hysterectomy.  Meh.  Can't wait until I heal completely.

*kathy*

Feeling Sickly

Woke up this morning, feeling sick as a dog!  Ugh, I hate feeling like this.  My eyes are watery, my nose is runny and I can't breathe through it, and I feel like I'm coughing up half a lung.  :-/  the medicine I've been taking since last night has helped somewhat.  I wished it worked faster, though.  I am ready to feel better!!!

*kathy*