Accident...?

Sometimes I find myself wondering about my car accident from almost 9 years ago.  Before that horrible July afternoon, I did not have one single problem with my periods.  Not one.  But because of the accident, I had serious, serious issues with the monthlies.  I didn't have one for five years.  Doctors had told me the accident caused major problems with my uterus and ovaries, therefore causing the estrogen levels to go nuts.  Maybe that's what led to the cancer, maybe not.  I sometimes think that if I had never been in that wreck, I would have never gotten diagnosed.  But what if?  What if I already had the cancer in my body, and this just helped it along?  I'll never know.  For all I know, the cancer could've been worse, and I hesitate to think about what could have been.  But the important thing to remember is that the cancer is gone now.  That's all that matters.  :-)

*kathy*

Nine Months

Nine months exactly since receiving that awful phone call from Dr. Winfrey's office on August 24, 2012.  Oh goodness, where does all that time go?  It seems like just yesterday that I was making plans to visit Oklahoma City for the first time.  Since that first visit, I've been blessed with so many wonderful new friends and have been strengthened by the love and support of those I already knew.  I am so glad that I have not had to fight this battle alone.  And if I have to battle through this again (which I hope and pray I don't), I've got so many people that will be there for me.  I am one lucky girl.

*kathy*

Discrimination

It hurts to know that I often get left out of things just because I had cancer.  People don't like to invite me to baby showers because I can't relate to babies simply due to the fact I can't have any.  I wouldn't mind getting invited to these things.  Just because I can't contribute doesn't mean I'm not important.  I probably wouldn't go to a shower anyway because it would be too painful.  But to leave me out of the festivities is hurtful and discriminatory.  You would think people would act better.

*kathy*

Fate/Impact

Sometimes you have to wonder whether or not fate plays a role in our lives.  When certain things and events happen to us, we have to think about whether or not they were meant to happen that particular way.  Often we find ourselves making decisions about people and how it affects us.  And sometimes we wonder if the decisions we make are the right ones.

Every once in a while, certain people enter our lives, then leave, and then re-enter our lives once again.  You find yourself wondering, is it fate playing its hand?  Is that person supposed to come back after being away for so, so long?  And if they are supposed to re-enter our lives, why did they come back, and how long will they stay this time?  Are they supposed to have an impact on our lives and spirits? One has to wonder.

There are also times that certain people enter our lives for only a short period.  But oh, goodness, the impact those people make can be completely tremendous!  It's been said on more than one occasion that people may forget what you do, but they never forget how you make them feel.  I certainly find that to be true.  There are a few people that were only in my life for a short amount of time.  But oh my, I'll never, ever forget what they did!  Some gave me the courage to be strong and assertive, and some gave me strength to be kind and patient.  Each of these kind souls has made me into what I am today. And for that, I will be forever grateful.  :-)

Anyway, that's how I feel.

*kathy*

Good News :-)

Sitting in a hotel room in Oklahoma City, and getting ready to call it a night.  I would definitely think that it has been a very successful day.  :-)  I'm here for my three-month cancer checkup with Dr. Moxley.  Funny thing, I saw her nurse practicioner (is that how you spell it?) Sarah instead.  It was weird not seeing Dr. Moxley as I usually do.  I think it was because she was busy with other patients.  I didn't have to do a Pap smear this time, so that was a good thing.  The good news is that I'm still cancer-free.  That doesn't bother me at all.  :-)  before I left, the nurse told me to wait a few minutes so that Dr. Moxley could say hi to me.  That was pretty cool.  She wanted to take time out of her extremely busy schedule to see how I was doing.  I loved her for that.  :-)  my next visit is scheduled for August 22nd.  I was about two blocks from the hotel when it suddenly hit me...I had realized that the visit will be almost exactly a year to the day since I received that phone call telling me I had cancer.  And believe me, I started bawling like a baby.  My, what a difference a year can make.  This time last year, I was worried about insignificant things.  Now, I have learned to appreciate the simple things in life, like my friends and my family.  Who knew, huh?

*kathy*

Mother's Day 2013

Tomorrow is going to be the first Mother's Day I'll be going through since being diagnosed with cancer.  It's going to be a very painful day for me.  It's a very glaring reminder of what I'll never, ever become.  While I'm happy for my friends that have children, I can't help but think of the precious babies I'll never get to meet.  Oh, how I would love, love, love them to the moon and back!!  But I got dealt with a cruel hand in life, and I did nothing to deserve what I got.  Yeah, I know I've got precious nieces and nephews, but it's not the same.  And I'm tired of people telling me I could always adopt.  That doesn't help matters at all.  Neither does telling me I wouldn't want kids, anyway...they're a handful.  Who cares???  I would love them, anyway, warts and all.  :-/  hopefully tomorrow will pass quickly, and I can get through it.  It's really all I can do.

*kathy*

Nice Gestures

Every year, as part of my job, I gotta have refresher training.  I hate it, because I have to be at work at 8 a.m.  I am most definitely not a morning person!!  But anyway...yesterday I had to have one of those training classes.  Somehow one of the instructors found out that I had battled cancer.  And wouldn't you know, the instructor and the rest of the class gave me a standing ovation.  It was definitely a nice surprise and I was not expecting that.  It almost made cry.  (Actually, I think it did.)  It's nice to know that for insensitive moron (and there are plenty), there are wonderful, wonderful souls.  :-)

*kathy*