Ever since I announced my uterine cancer diagnosis and the necessity of a hysterectomy (therefore never having any kids), people, though they mean well, have said some weird and annoying things. I know they mean well, like I said, but it's still painful to hear. :-( I know their heart's in the right place, but that doesn't mean I like to hear it. So here's a list:
1) "You can always adopt." Most often, the person who tells me this is someone who's got kids and doesn't know the pain of having uterine cancer. A hysterectomy means never getting the chance to hear someone call you "Mom". I love kids, so this is very hard news to take. Yeah, I know there's always adoption and I might end up with a man who has kids of his own, but IT'S NOT THE SAME. There is no substitute. None. So please don't tell me I can always adopt. It feels condescending, and I don't wanna hear it.
2) "You can have sex all day and not have to worry about getting pregnant." That feels condescending, too. Yeah, it sounds nice to be able to have an all-day roll in the sack, but please don't mention stuff like being pregnant.
3) "I wish I could have your problem." WTF?? This is the most insensitive and ridiculous thing anyone could ever say to me. My "problem"? Makes it seem minor. Cancer is not a minor issue here, folks. I would gladly have those monthly cycles, PMS, tampons, and pads any day. Give me those over uterine cancer. And I don't appreciate anyone making light of this situation.
4) "You don't look sick." WTF does that mean? I didn't realize there was a specific way I was supposed to look because I have cancer. I must've missed that memo.
5) "You need to be at home and relax." Yeah, maybe. Then again, you try staying at home for 8 weeks and not being able to go anywhere is driving me crazy. It's not like I'm gonna go build a house or anything, but I do like short car rides every now and then. And they are great for the morale. :-)
So just keep these in mind, and everything will be OK. If you do happen to slip up and say something like this, I'll understand. It happens. But please don't make it a habit.
Love, Kathy :-)
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